On Being Invisible

When I was a kid I wanted to be invisible.

I just wanted to be in the room with people and not be seen to see what they were talking about and how they acted without me being around.  Kinda like a fly on the wall.  I didn't want to be a fly because all us kids were experts with a fly swatter, and being a greasy spot on the wall was not something I wanted to be.

There are times even now that I wish I was invisible.  Like having a coughing fit, or choking on food, or having to use my finger to move food around in my mouth so that I can chew it and not gag.  Most people are polite and try not to look.  Then again, it is the car wreck syndrome that takes over.  You don't want to look but you do look.  The more you look the more you want to look.

The other thing is this; the disabilities that I have are invisible.  Looking at me you would not know anything is wrong.  I don't have any visible deformities, no artificial limbs, no walker to use nor a cane.  I don't limp, I don't lean one way or the other.  I don't carry a white cane.

What I do have are three stents from the heart attack eight and a half years ago.  What I do have is ALS that affects my speech and swallowing.  Until I open my mouth to talk you would not guess that there is anything wrong and that leads to problems, and misunderstandings.

I take a dry erase board with me wherever I go now days.  People get a laugh out of it being labeled Arkansas Hillbilly iPad.  Which is fine because that brakes the ice and people tend to relax. The first thing many want to do is talk LOUDER, as if I won't understand them if they don't,  just because I can't talk.  It is strange and sometimes funny.  All you can do is shake your head mentally and go with it.

There are still times I still want to be invisible, but now it is for a far different reason.

Until next time...............