Imagined I passed away
If you don't care: stop reading
If you would come to my funeral: like this
If you would miss me: comment
If your not scared: repost and see who your real friends are.
I saw this today and passed it on by scrolling through to get to another Facebook posting. To tell the truth I usually do just that and forget about the posting. Today. Today I started to do just that.
Three postings later I changed my mind. It is not because I had a particularly bad day, for it was not a bad day. I had seen today some friends that made a round trip, in one case, from Louisiana, in the other from extreme South AR. In fact if it is a rather calm day they can hear the oil wells in Texas pumping up crude, black gold, Texas tea........... Sorry had a Beverly Hills Hillbillys flashback. Both were in pain of one kind or another. I just hoped that I brightened their day for they sure brightened mine!
Back to my story......
I think it might have been because of an unknowingly hurtful remark made to my daughter by some one who does not know that I have ALS. The lady said in effect that with how hard I have worked all of my life, I deserve to enjoy the rest of my life.
My daughter did not say anything to her but she was hurt. I am sure from what I know of the person that she would never have said that to save her life. But she did.
So I stopped after three posts and retraced my steps and this is what I posted:
"Guys I want to say something about posts like this. As one who is slowly dying each day from ALS, I really resent these types of posts. There are others that might not have what I have, but just the same as I, are dying a little bit each day, and like me, resent these posts. We have enough to do each day to not be reminded in such a frivolous way that death is always with us. Our families and extended families are hurt by these things as well. They are reminded in, what is meant to be humor, that they are dying and worse that people think death is something to laugh about. I don't say this to be cruel, and you certainly have the right to post what you want to, just please, please think of those like me before you hit the enter button. Have a great rest of your life. I know I will be, for however long that will be."
I will leave that with you to mull over in the odd moments of your day. If it bothers you, do what you think best. I am not looking for an apology or added sympathy from anyone, for I don't feel I deserve either. What you do is up to you. All I ask is go home after you think about this and hug every person in that house who is important to you and tell each and every one how much and why you love them. Then simply post on Facebook or any other place you might go and say, "I hugged my family."
That's it. No explanation. If some one should ask, then explain in an IM, PM, or any other private communication why you posted that. Better yet give them the link to this post and let them decide what they will do.
For those that don't care, so be it and I wish for you the most amazing rest of your life that any one who has lived has ever had.
I know the rest of mine will be just that and very hard to beat.
Until next time..............................
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Friday, July 24, 2015
Just Goes To Show
I was at the store a little bit ago and I heard a lady's voice from behind me say, "Hey Proud Veteran."
I pause now to explain to you why she would have addressed me in such a way. I bought a t-shirt from an online marketer that says on the front left breast Proud Veteran. On the back it says something to the effect that "I am a veteran. My oath of enlistment has no expiration date." I saw it. I liked it. I thought it pertinent. I bought it. I have worn it several times and have not, until today, had any one comment on it or to me. Obvious this lady saw the shirt and liked what it had to say. I did not take offense at how she got my attention at all. After all I didn't know her nor she me.
Okay back to my tale.
I was on my way out and had not taken my AR Hillbilly iPad in with me as I was going in only for a half gallon of milk and right back out. I turned and looked at her and expected what? I don't know for sure. Maybe she was angry and wanted me to turn my t-shirt inside out or just burn it. Maybe she wanted to know where to get one. I just don't know what I expected. What I got was, a very sincere, very quietly stated, "Thank you for your service."
As best I could I said thank you to her.
As many of you know I make a habit, or did, to shake the hand of any veteran I see and thank them for their service. Especially the Viet Nam Vets, and Korean Vets. The latter served in "The Forgotten War" and the former got the shaft while I got a parade. And that is personal with me as I don't believe either deserved what we got.
It just goes to show, you do something unexpected and heartfelt and it will come back to haunt you.
It did me today.
Until next time.....................
Note: Yeah I know, two posts in two days! I am about to go and check my temp.
I pause now to explain to you why she would have addressed me in such a way. I bought a t-shirt from an online marketer that says on the front left breast Proud Veteran. On the back it says something to the effect that "I am a veteran. My oath of enlistment has no expiration date." I saw it. I liked it. I thought it pertinent. I bought it. I have worn it several times and have not, until today, had any one comment on it or to me. Obvious this lady saw the shirt and liked what it had to say. I did not take offense at how she got my attention at all. After all I didn't know her nor she me.
Okay back to my tale.
I was on my way out and had not taken my AR Hillbilly iPad in with me as I was going in only for a half gallon of milk and right back out. I turned and looked at her and expected what? I don't know for sure. Maybe she was angry and wanted me to turn my t-shirt inside out or just burn it. Maybe she wanted to know where to get one. I just don't know what I expected. What I got was, a very sincere, very quietly stated, "Thank you for your service."
As best I could I said thank you to her.
As many of you know I make a habit, or did, to shake the hand of any veteran I see and thank them for their service. Especially the Viet Nam Vets, and Korean Vets. The latter served in "The Forgotten War" and the former got the shaft while I got a parade. And that is personal with me as I don't believe either deserved what we got.
It just goes to show, you do something unexpected and heartfelt and it will come back to haunt you.
It did me today.
Until next time.....................
Note: Yeah I know, two posts in two days! I am about to go and check my temp.
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Mile Stones and Grandson
Little Man passed a mile stone today.
Many of my friends who fish will understand when I say that if you fish long enough and hard enough sooner or later we all get hooked. Not on the sport of fishing but really, truly, actually hooked. That is exactly what happened today.
He was at the neighborhood creek fishing under the supervision of his older brother and he put one barb of a treble hook through his arm just above his elbow on his left arm. Being the ripe old age of 7 it scared him a little, well actually a whole lot, but he would not let Papa take care of getting it out. A trip to the ER and some nice medical personnel the hook was removed and he was a very brave Little Man. He is home now and doing so fine all is forgotten and he is back to normal.
I wish life was like that, and some day it might be.
I hope that the next mile stone he passes is a lot less painful than this one. Maybe I will be there to see him and maybe not, but I will know and be proud of him no matter what.
His arm will heal and the scar will be there for the rest of his life. I hope that when he is asked about it he will be on the river with a pole in his hand and a stringer of nice bass, ummm maybe brim, and a grandson looking at him with big round eyes full of adoration and worship as he looks at me now.
I know how he will feel at that moment, because that is how I feel every day that he looks at me.
Until next time...................
Many of my friends who fish will understand when I say that if you fish long enough and hard enough sooner or later we all get hooked. Not on the sport of fishing but really, truly, actually hooked. That is exactly what happened today.
He was at the neighborhood creek fishing under the supervision of his older brother and he put one barb of a treble hook through his arm just above his elbow on his left arm. Being the ripe old age of 7 it scared him a little, well actually a whole lot, but he would not let Papa take care of getting it out. A trip to the ER and some nice medical personnel the hook was removed and he was a very brave Little Man. He is home now and doing so fine all is forgotten and he is back to normal.
I wish life was like that, and some day it might be.
I hope that the next mile stone he passes is a lot less painful than this one. Maybe I will be there to see him and maybe not, but I will know and be proud of him no matter what.
His arm will heal and the scar will be there for the rest of his life. I hope that when he is asked about it he will be on the river with a pole in his hand and a stringer of nice bass, ummm maybe brim, and a grandson looking at him with big round eyes full of adoration and worship as he looks at me now.
I know how he will feel at that moment, because that is how I feel every day that he looks at me.
Until next time...................
Thursday, July 16, 2015
Happy Birthday Little Man
Tomorrow is my Little Man's 7 birthday.
I have lived with him for most of those 7 years. I have seen him discover the world and through his eyes have rediscovered some of it myself.
It is amazing to me that kids will make us look anew at things that we take for granted and see every day, but to them it is all new and wonderful. Sometimes terrible too. To see the wonder though is renewing and I feel like a kid again too.
At the same time, I am scared at how he will take my dying. He knows that I am truly and terribly sick. I do not believe that he does realize what death is. He has seen pets pass and dead squirrels of course, but not one that he loves and part of his family that has died. And it breaks my heart that I will have to be the one to give him that experience.
For the time being of course we will celebrate his birthday and lavish him with love tomorrow so that we all can be happy and share that happiness with each other.
I love you Little Man and I always will. Have a good life, and when you think of me, I hope you remember the times we fished, and "hunted" together. The times we laughed until we were silly. The times we teased your Nana. The times Bigfoot left you notes and watched over you while you slept. The times we had snuggled in my chair and watching the same shows for the thousandth time while you tell me what will happen next.
I love you Little Man so very much.
Until next time..............
I have lived with him for most of those 7 years. I have seen him discover the world and through his eyes have rediscovered some of it myself.
It is amazing to me that kids will make us look anew at things that we take for granted and see every day, but to them it is all new and wonderful. Sometimes terrible too. To see the wonder though is renewing and I feel like a kid again too.
At the same time, I am scared at how he will take my dying. He knows that I am truly and terribly sick. I do not believe that he does realize what death is. He has seen pets pass and dead squirrels of course, but not one that he loves and part of his family that has died. And it breaks my heart that I will have to be the one to give him that experience.
For the time being of course we will celebrate his birthday and lavish him with love tomorrow so that we all can be happy and share that happiness with each other.
I love you Little Man and I always will. Have a good life, and when you think of me, I hope you remember the times we fished, and "hunted" together. The times we laughed until we were silly. The times we teased your Nana. The times Bigfoot left you notes and watched over you while you slept. The times we had snuggled in my chair and watching the same shows for the thousandth time while you tell me what will happen next.
I love you Little Man so very much.
Until next time..............
Monday, July 13, 2015
Love Is More Than A Feeling
Some people say that an intangible cannot take up physical space by it's very definition. I beg to differ.
This past weekend a part of my family that I normally see only on the occasion of funerals got together. These cousins were the same ones who, as children, bonded in a certain and very real way that time and distance has not diminished.
It could be that we all played in the old barn at our grandparent's farm.
It could be that we used our imaginations to liven up lazy summer afternoons by writing plays and acting them out.
It could be that our uncles, bless them all, made us corn cob pipes and we smoked rabbit tobacco out of them and turned lovely shades of green.
It could be we raided the garden for English Peas that were sweeter than candy.
It could be the old front porch swing that held 6 grandkids before it finally broke and spilled them all over the porch.
It may be many more funny and almost forgotten things that we did as kids.
I think though, that it is the love that we were taught for family. More than taught that family is the most important thing in the world, we were shown. We kids were given a great deal of latitude in those days, after all how much trouble could we get into on a 120 acre farm, but we were disciplined by any adult that happened to be in swatting distance of our behinds if we messed up.
We bonded.
As far as intangibles filling up a space, this weekend I saw a building filled with love, laughter, and good memories that time will never erase or change. Thank you cousins, but more importantly thank you parents, aunts, and uncles for showing us the way family should be.
Until next time...........................
This past weekend a part of my family that I normally see only on the occasion of funerals got together. These cousins were the same ones who, as children, bonded in a certain and very real way that time and distance has not diminished.
It could be that we all played in the old barn at our grandparent's farm.
It could be that we used our imaginations to liven up lazy summer afternoons by writing plays and acting them out.
It could be that our uncles, bless them all, made us corn cob pipes and we smoked rabbit tobacco out of them and turned lovely shades of green.
It could be we raided the garden for English Peas that were sweeter than candy.
It could be the old front porch swing that held 6 grandkids before it finally broke and spilled them all over the porch.
It may be many more funny and almost forgotten things that we did as kids.
I think though, that it is the love that we were taught for family. More than taught that family is the most important thing in the world, we were shown. We kids were given a great deal of latitude in those days, after all how much trouble could we get into on a 120 acre farm, but we were disciplined by any adult that happened to be in swatting distance of our behinds if we messed up.
We bonded.
As far as intangibles filling up a space, this weekend I saw a building filled with love, laughter, and good memories that time will never erase or change. Thank you cousins, but more importantly thank you parents, aunts, and uncles for showing us the way family should be.
Until next time...........................
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
Comfort
I have not written in a few days as you know.
There are some things that take a while to get used to. We tend to bury things deep inside to insulate ourselves from the pain and hurt.
Things like death.
Okay, I am not talking about my death. I am narcissistic at this point in my life, but not that narcissistic.
A friend of our's husband passed away in February, and his memorial service was held this weekend. Our friend lives in Chicago but has property here in Northern AR. Her husband wanted to be part of that land, and so his ashes were spread upon the land, and it was this ceremony that we attended. I knew that it would be hard on G, I had not anticipated how it wold affect our grandsons.
They had played hard before the ceremony with the other kids that were there. Even driving down to the back forty (literally) they were so good and having a good time riding in the back of a truck there. When it came time for the ceremony they both became very quiet and respectful. They both came and held our hands.
They knew how hard it was for both of us, and they gave comfort to us.
When we packed up to leave they were back to themselves. Running and playing and having a good time.
If there is a lesson in that, it is this. Play hard. Be somber when need be. Go back to playing hard.
Believe me the deceased will not be offended.
Until next time..............
There are some things that take a while to get used to. We tend to bury things deep inside to insulate ourselves from the pain and hurt.
Things like death.
Okay, I am not talking about my death. I am narcissistic at this point in my life, but not that narcissistic.
A friend of our's husband passed away in February, and his memorial service was held this weekend. Our friend lives in Chicago but has property here in Northern AR. Her husband wanted to be part of that land, and so his ashes were spread upon the land, and it was this ceremony that we attended. I knew that it would be hard on G, I had not anticipated how it wold affect our grandsons.
They had played hard before the ceremony with the other kids that were there. Even driving down to the back forty (literally) they were so good and having a good time riding in the back of a truck there. When it came time for the ceremony they both became very quiet and respectful. They both came and held our hands.
They knew how hard it was for both of us, and they gave comfort to us.
When we packed up to leave they were back to themselves. Running and playing and having a good time.
If there is a lesson in that, it is this. Play hard. Be somber when need be. Go back to playing hard.
Believe me the deceased will not be offended.
Until next time..............
Saturday, July 4, 2015
Happy Birthday America!
I was watching the fireworks tonight with the grandsons and wondered how many more Forth of July's I would be around to see, but not just that. I thought of the soldiers, sailors, airmen, and marines who fought from the very first day, in 1776 to the present.
I thought of Washington in Valley Forge when he didn't have enough food, shelter, or equipment for his Army. The privates that left bloody footprints in the snow.
I thought of "Old Hickory" Jackson and his men marching to New Orleans, engaging the British Army in that day when the War of 1812 was already over.
I thought of JEB Stewart, Stonewall Jackson, Ulysses Grant, Sherman, and many more Generals torn apart because of a war that threatened to tear a nation apart. The soldiers of the South fighting without pay and so starved that they stop fighting to pillage wagons for food in the Yankee supply trains.
I thought of Teddy Roosevelt and his Western men in Cuba fighting the Spanish and the unseen enemy of Yellow Fever and malaria.
The Lost Battalion in that forest in Europe. Of the privates in the trenches. Those dashing young men in their flying machines who ushered in a third dimension to war that would be more horrible than any could imagine when it came to age in WWII.
I thought of the Marines that fought the Banana Wars between the World Wars in Central and South America.
I thought of the submariners that were the first to strike back at a deceitful and vengeful enemy in 1941. Of the airmen whose duty it was to destroy a city with one single bomb to end that conflict.
I thought of all of the ones from Korea and Viet Nam to today in Afghanistan, and Iraq.
All of them men in young boy's bodies. Some of them not old enough to vote, but old enough to leave part of themselves in a foreign land for the people of that land who neither wanted them nor cared if they lived or died.
I was a part of them once. It is likely that I somehow contracted ALS because of my service to my country. Do I regret it? NO! Would I do it again? Absolutely. Would I do it again with the knowledge of what was to become in my life? Without hesitation or regret.
So tonight I say Happy Birthday America. I wish for you to endure for another 239 years! I don't know if I will be here next year to say this or not, but I know that I will be looking over my loved ones if I am not.
Until next time......................
I thought of Washington in Valley Forge when he didn't have enough food, shelter, or equipment for his Army. The privates that left bloody footprints in the snow.
I thought of "Old Hickory" Jackson and his men marching to New Orleans, engaging the British Army in that day when the War of 1812 was already over.
I thought of JEB Stewart, Stonewall Jackson, Ulysses Grant, Sherman, and many more Generals torn apart because of a war that threatened to tear a nation apart. The soldiers of the South fighting without pay and so starved that they stop fighting to pillage wagons for food in the Yankee supply trains.
I thought of Teddy Roosevelt and his Western men in Cuba fighting the Spanish and the unseen enemy of Yellow Fever and malaria.
The Lost Battalion in that forest in Europe. Of the privates in the trenches. Those dashing young men in their flying machines who ushered in a third dimension to war that would be more horrible than any could imagine when it came to age in WWII.
I thought of the Marines that fought the Banana Wars between the World Wars in Central and South America.
I thought of the submariners that were the first to strike back at a deceitful and vengeful enemy in 1941. Of the airmen whose duty it was to destroy a city with one single bomb to end that conflict.
I thought of all of the ones from Korea and Viet Nam to today in Afghanistan, and Iraq.
All of them men in young boy's bodies. Some of them not old enough to vote, but old enough to leave part of themselves in a foreign land for the people of that land who neither wanted them nor cared if they lived or died.
I was a part of them once. It is likely that I somehow contracted ALS because of my service to my country. Do I regret it? NO! Would I do it again? Absolutely. Would I do it again with the knowledge of what was to become in my life? Without hesitation or regret.
So tonight I say Happy Birthday America. I wish for you to endure for another 239 years! I don't know if I will be here next year to say this or not, but I know that I will be looking over my loved ones if I am not.
Until next time......................
Thursday, July 2, 2015
A Most Wonderful Summer
I have been lucky this summer on several levels.
We have had our grandkids in several different combinations most of the summer. The two who have been here the most are the grandsons. They have kept me going to a certain extent. Fishing, and hunting being the most requested activities. Now it is fireworks. We will go buy some today so that they will have some to celebrate with, if the rain stops.
That is another thing. I doubt there could be a better summer than this one weather wise. It has not been overly hot and downright cool at night. Not too dry and rain when we need it. I can remember a few summers like this, but this one, this one, is so much more special than any that have come before. Call it fatalistic if you want, but I doubt that I will have that many more to enjoy like this one.
We are not struggling this year either. With SSD and VA Disability we can make our bills and have some money left over to do other things besides sit at home and worry about using up what little is left in gas to go and get essential things done. This is such a relief, that if you have never been in that kind of a situation you can not know how good that feels.
There are few things that we have planned for the rest of the summer. One is a family reunion of cousins this month. This may be the last reunion that I get to know about and see these wonderful relations. To know that they care enough to come from all over to gather and have fun means so much to me. I am sure that I will have something to say about this latter on.
The other is a trip to a place we have never been before, Maine, and to meet family we only discovered we had. This is the special family that we all have. The ones that are not related by blood but we have a bond that is as close as blood. I look forward to this trip like no other I have ever taken or ever will take.
If you have not had a wonderful summer so far I hope that it gets better for you soon. Maybe it is just a matter of perspective. For when you know that death will soon be here, you enjoy things that bring pleasure that much more, and rightly you should.
Yes, I have been lucky, and I would not trade this wonderful feeling for anything!
Until next time.......................
We have had our grandkids in several different combinations most of the summer. The two who have been here the most are the grandsons. They have kept me going to a certain extent. Fishing, and hunting being the most requested activities. Now it is fireworks. We will go buy some today so that they will have some to celebrate with, if the rain stops.
That is another thing. I doubt there could be a better summer than this one weather wise. It has not been overly hot and downright cool at night. Not too dry and rain when we need it. I can remember a few summers like this, but this one, this one, is so much more special than any that have come before. Call it fatalistic if you want, but I doubt that I will have that many more to enjoy like this one.
We are not struggling this year either. With SSD and VA Disability we can make our bills and have some money left over to do other things besides sit at home and worry about using up what little is left in gas to go and get essential things done. This is such a relief, that if you have never been in that kind of a situation you can not know how good that feels.
There are few things that we have planned for the rest of the summer. One is a family reunion of cousins this month. This may be the last reunion that I get to know about and see these wonderful relations. To know that they care enough to come from all over to gather and have fun means so much to me. I am sure that I will have something to say about this latter on.
The other is a trip to a place we have never been before, Maine, and to meet family we only discovered we had. This is the special family that we all have. The ones that are not related by blood but we have a bond that is as close as blood. I look forward to this trip like no other I have ever taken or ever will take.
If you have not had a wonderful summer so far I hope that it gets better for you soon. Maybe it is just a matter of perspective. For when you know that death will soon be here, you enjoy things that bring pleasure that much more, and rightly you should.
Yes, I have been lucky, and I would not trade this wonderful feeling for anything!
Until next time.......................
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