A tragedy happened here on Monday.
A simple statement of fact wrapped up in six small words, and yet, those words will never be able to adequately express how large and how deep this tragedy really is.
Three young men lost their lives. Three young men, who should be thinking of the cute girl in the next row of desks. Three young men who should be worrying about who to ask to the Homecoming Dance. Three young men who should be daydreaming about making that perfect block in the the football game, or catching the pass that wins the game, or intercepting the pass from the other team and running it back for a touchdown. Three young men who will never have the chance to do any of those things any more.
There are holes in the hearts of people tonight that will never be able to heal completely. I am not sure if the scab will even be able to grow over the wound. Oh sure there will come a time in the future when tears will not come when the thought of these three young men come unbidden, but the sadness will be just as great. The families will know the pain longer than any who knew them. Their friends will recover and move through the world and think of them from time to time and their hearts will heal. The hearts of the parents never will.
Three young men are struggling tonight because of decisions that they made on Monday. There will no shortage of "if onlys" said to each other and to themselves. There will never be enough "if onlys" to truly explain what happened. Sadly there will be never enough to assuage the guilt of the survivor. That will always and forever be there. That is the second tragedy. For those three young men will know that they survived while their friends did not and will either allow that to destroy their lives, or it will make them stronger in ways that cannot be foreseen.
Just as the rock that is thrown in the still pool, the ripples of this tragedy will spread and be felt by others at a far distant locations and times through out this world for years to come. I can only hope that affect will be for the good.
As for now all I can say is Rest in Peace young men and know you were loved.
Until next time..............................
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Our Memories
I am headed out tomorrow to go hunting.
I enjoy hunting even though I may not come home with anything. It gives me the chance to get out in nature where nothing cares that I am ill, indeed dying. She, nature, accepts death as an integral part of life. Accepting all in this world who She knows will add to the cycle that we all are a part of; birth, life, death.
As surely as we all will meet that same end, we neither know, nor should we know, when that end will come. I am luckier than most in that I know I have a time frame. A time frame in which I have the chance to pack as much living into it as I can before I can no longer live a full life.
Then I will have memories that I can draw on to keep me company. Good memories of crispy air on cold mornings; of the sound of turkeys at day break; a squirrel barking to let the morning know that it is up and raring to go; of the snort of a deer; of the sight of a doe and her fawn feeding not 20 feet from where I sat. I have been, and continue to be, fortunate to see things in the woods that most people will never see.
These are the experiences that I cherish. These are some of the memories that will sustain me.
There will be others of course, and that will be as it should be, for none of us are one dimensional. None of us should be. Unfortunately, because I hunt, there will be those that will only see me as a slayer of Bambi, the slaughterer of cute little squirrels, and on and on.
Others will only remember and see me as a man with ALS.
I am neither. I am both. I am so much more.
I can only hope that those that know me will not see me, nor remember me, as a one dimensional.
Until next time....................
I enjoy hunting even though I may not come home with anything. It gives me the chance to get out in nature where nothing cares that I am ill, indeed dying. She, nature, accepts death as an integral part of life. Accepting all in this world who She knows will add to the cycle that we all are a part of; birth, life, death.
As surely as we all will meet that same end, we neither know, nor should we know, when that end will come. I am luckier than most in that I know I have a time frame. A time frame in which I have the chance to pack as much living into it as I can before I can no longer live a full life.
Then I will have memories that I can draw on to keep me company. Good memories of crispy air on cold mornings; of the sound of turkeys at day break; a squirrel barking to let the morning know that it is up and raring to go; of the snort of a deer; of the sight of a doe and her fawn feeding not 20 feet from where I sat. I have been, and continue to be, fortunate to see things in the woods that most people will never see.
These are the experiences that I cherish. These are some of the memories that will sustain me.
There will be others of course, and that will be as it should be, for none of us are one dimensional. None of us should be. Unfortunately, because I hunt, there will be those that will only see me as a slayer of Bambi, the slaughterer of cute little squirrels, and on and on.
Others will only remember and see me as a man with ALS.
I am neither. I am both. I am so much more.
I can only hope that those that know me will not see me, nor remember me, as a one dimensional.
Until next time....................
Monday, October 19, 2015
Being Comfy
There are days that we all don't feel well and don't know why we don't. Days where we are out of sorts but no one real complaint or cause to point to why we don't feel good.
That is how the last two days have been for me. I have sat in a chair, only getting up to go to the bathroom. I even slept in that chair for last two nights because I did not feel like reclining all the way down on the bed. Besides I was just comfy where I was and didn't want to move.
I think we all want to do that at times. Just sit where we are because we are comfy the way and where we are. If we don't move ahead from that place we miss out on a lot of things in life, like adventures, achievements, love and growth. Just imagine what we would be today if we had not taken the chance of moving from that comfy place, wherever and whatever that might be, and moved on to a place less comfy and a bit more challenging.
I still have things that I want to do that will not be exactly comfortable for me to achieve, but I refuse to sit and be comfy for the rest of the time that I have left. Maybe I have a different perspective on life now that I have ALS. Maybe I want to do some things that I never had the courage to do before for whatever reason. Maybe it is just because I want to be defiant and thumb my nose at ALS and go and do what I want to do until I can do no more.
Maybe, but then again maybe I am just tired of 'just being comfy.'
Until next time............................
That is how the last two days have been for me. I have sat in a chair, only getting up to go to the bathroom. I even slept in that chair for last two nights because I did not feel like reclining all the way down on the bed. Besides I was just comfy where I was and didn't want to move.
I think we all want to do that at times. Just sit where we are because we are comfy the way and where we are. If we don't move ahead from that place we miss out on a lot of things in life, like adventures, achievements, love and growth. Just imagine what we would be today if we had not taken the chance of moving from that comfy place, wherever and whatever that might be, and moved on to a place less comfy and a bit more challenging.
I still have things that I want to do that will not be exactly comfortable for me to achieve, but I refuse to sit and be comfy for the rest of the time that I have left. Maybe I have a different perspective on life now that I have ALS. Maybe I want to do some things that I never had the courage to do before for whatever reason. Maybe it is just because I want to be defiant and thumb my nose at ALS and go and do what I want to do until I can do no more.
Maybe, but then again maybe I am just tired of 'just being comfy.'
Until next time............................
Thursday, October 15, 2015
A Film To Share
I hope that I do not get in trouble for doing this, but below is a link to a short documentary film about ALS and one man's journey through this life that we now share.
Before you say it, and I say this with all humbleness, I am no hero. This man is.
Now grab a tissue and sit in your quiet space for about 20 minutes and get a glimpse into ALS survival.
https://www.facebook.com/megan444/posts/10156167631585080?comment_id=10156170243670080
Until next time........................
Before you say it, and I say this with all humbleness, I am no hero. This man is.
Now grab a tissue and sit in your quiet space for about 20 minutes and get a glimpse into ALS survival.
https://www.facebook.com/megan444/posts/10156167631585080?comment_id=10156170243670080
Until next time........................
Monday, October 12, 2015
Be Whole
Part of who I am is that I hunt.
Another part of who I am is that I have ALS.
Neither define me as a whole, just as I am a reader and author. Maybe you like to read. Maybe you like to water ski in the summer and snow ski in the winter. Neither of those make in total who you are. We are all complex in our own ways and have our own niches. What we do and what we enjoy doing, go to make us whole.
Since being diagnosed with ALS I have made an effort to put emphasis on the things that make me happy, like reading, hunting, fishing, cooking for my baby, holding hands and cuddling, telling those that are special to me that I love them and miss them, being content with the simple things in life and packing as much as I can into just living.
I seem to smile more now and enjoy deeper and love harder than before. I look at all of this as positives. Positives that have come out of knowing I am nearing the end of my life. And that is a shame. I should not have had to come to this place in my life because I am dying. I should have been this way from the beginning.
As you should be.
Be happy with yourself and do things to make you happy. Smile more, love deeper, work hard and play harder, tell the ones that are special to you that you love them, hold the hand of that special person in your life, give random hugs, laugh at silly things, read that book you always wanted to read, go to the movies more often and make out in the back row like you did in high school, be spontaneous.
Don't wait. Do it today!
Until next time..........................
Another part of who I am is that I have ALS.
Neither define me as a whole, just as I am a reader and author. Maybe you like to read. Maybe you like to water ski in the summer and snow ski in the winter. Neither of those make in total who you are. We are all complex in our own ways and have our own niches. What we do and what we enjoy doing, go to make us whole.
Since being diagnosed with ALS I have made an effort to put emphasis on the things that make me happy, like reading, hunting, fishing, cooking for my baby, holding hands and cuddling, telling those that are special to me that I love them and miss them, being content with the simple things in life and packing as much as I can into just living.
I seem to smile more now and enjoy deeper and love harder than before. I look at all of this as positives. Positives that have come out of knowing I am nearing the end of my life. And that is a shame. I should not have had to come to this place in my life because I am dying. I should have been this way from the beginning.
As you should be.
Be happy with yourself and do things to make you happy. Smile more, love deeper, work hard and play harder, tell the ones that are special to you that you love them, hold the hand of that special person in your life, give random hugs, laugh at silly things, read that book you always wanted to read, go to the movies more often and make out in the back row like you did in high school, be spontaneous.
Don't wait. Do it today!
Until next time..........................
Friday, October 2, 2015
Reflections
I know that my words do not reach a world wide audience like those of a national celebrity or authority. I know that my feeble attempts at telling the truth and offering comfort to those in pain will not go viral. There are times that we know these things but we need to try anyway.
First and foremost, my heart hurts for the loved ones left behind to grieve and suffer for the loss of loved ones by the actions one very deranged and evil individual in Oregon. I cannot imagine what I would do if I lost one of my girls, or my grandkids. I do know that it would cause my death to come quicker. I do know that I would die with hatred in my heart and soul, instead of the joy of a life well lived. I know that this bitterness would never leave me until the last breath leaves me.
I also know it is wrong to turn, or try to turn, this tragedy into something political. This, no matter how good the intentions, serves no good purpose. It does not comfort. It does not right this wrong. It serves only to cause despair and cheapens the lives lost. This is not the time. This is not the situation. It is simply wrong!
I can only think now of the parents, brothers, sisters, relations of all sorts who are in the throws of grief tonight. Their world collapsing, crashing, crushing their hopes, their lives and their hearts. This is where our thoughts should and ought to be.
John Donne had it right when he wrote, "No man is an island, Entire of himself, Every man is a piece of the continent, A part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less."
Tonight, I am less than I was before.
Until next time............................
First and foremost, my heart hurts for the loved ones left behind to grieve and suffer for the loss of loved ones by the actions one very deranged and evil individual in Oregon. I cannot imagine what I would do if I lost one of my girls, or my grandkids. I do know that it would cause my death to come quicker. I do know that I would die with hatred in my heart and soul, instead of the joy of a life well lived. I know that this bitterness would never leave me until the last breath leaves me.
I also know it is wrong to turn, or try to turn, this tragedy into something political. This, no matter how good the intentions, serves no good purpose. It does not comfort. It does not right this wrong. It serves only to cause despair and cheapens the lives lost. This is not the time. This is not the situation. It is simply wrong!
I can only think now of the parents, brothers, sisters, relations of all sorts who are in the throws of grief tonight. Their world collapsing, crashing, crushing their hopes, their lives and their hearts. This is where our thoughts should and ought to be.
John Donne had it right when he wrote, "No man is an island, Entire of himself, Every man is a piece of the continent, A part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less."
Tonight, I am less than I was before.
Until next time............................
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