It was in 1980 or so that I first heard the phrase, "You're my knight in shining armour."
I never felt that I was worthy of that. "That" being put on a pedestal and adored so much.
During our life together I have managed to tarnish, dent, and now crack that armour in so many places. I am amazed at how much we have gone through together, and how much we have grown, and grown closer, despite those dents, dings, and cracks.
Now, when I am battling this insidious thing called ALS, not only the armour is being breached in places, but the pedestal that she put me on so many years ago is also cracking. Some day soon that pedestal while come tumbling down and bring me to a sudden and final halt.
For all the years that we have been together and all the bad times that we have made it through, this will be the only time that I will not be around to help her. To let her lean on me. To hold her tight and tell her all will be okay. To wipe her tears away in the middle of the night. To just hold her.
And that will be the final, fatal crack in my armour. That tarnished, rusty shell that has been with me all these years, will have been broken beyond repair. For I will, for the most important time in her life, fail her. There will be no second chances on this one.
If you ask me if I am afraid of dying, I will tell you no. That is the truth. The truth that we all must face eventually. Some sooner than others. Some knowing it is coming and some never ever conceiving it might be them. What I fear most about dying, is how those I leave behind will fare, knowing that I will not be there to help them through their grief. I can only hope that memories of us in happy times will help.
Once again my armour will be free of the dents, dings, cracks and rust in my Angel's memories, and I will be her hero once again.
Until next time...................
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