I just noticed that I have had 1k+ views on my blog. I started this on 2-15 and have managed to keep up with posting to a better extent than ever before. To those who have viewed my blog and read its post and commented on it or just maybe had a thought stimulated in their brain, Thank You for stopping by.
If you like it you might want to recommend it to your friends. Or if you know of a family that is going through this as well and you think it might help them please let them know.
Until next time..............
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
My Angel
One thing that I realized this morning that I have not touched on in this blog is my Angel.
Many people may wonder why I call her Angel. Well let me tell ya! She married me 35 years ago this next November and she let me drag her from one Army post to another for 4 years while I was on active duty. Letting me do what I loved best during that time, flying helicopters so that sick and injured people had a better chance at staying alive.
She has seen me through all sicknesses and depressions. She saw me almost die from a heart attack, staying with me 24/7 for the time I was in the hospital, sleeping on a fold out twin bed next to mine. She would jump up any time I moved and moaned a little. She stayed with me through numerous heart caths and stent placements, sitting alone in the waiting room worried to death at what they would find and have to do.
She stayed with me through a surgery to correct a hiatal hernia. Again a procedure that almost took my life as I wound up in the ICU and back into surgery to try and find out why I was going septic. I cannot imagine what was going through on that one.
She stayed with me through a total of two inguinal hernia operations, and a knee surgery that saw me contract rhabdomyolysis . She got scared when I got E coli from a prostate biopsy. Not to mention having Lyme's Disease in one state and our middle daughter having the same thing in another state.
Before anyone says something about her not getting her due praise, she did this while surviving a finger that was almost severed, a total hysterectomy, removal of a lypoma the size of an egg, a total knee replacement, and the birth of three little, umm lets change that to rather large (9lb10oz, 8lb11oz, and 8lb9oz) babies, and a dislocated shoulder. Now she has problems with her back in the L4 to L5 vertibrea and facing another total knee replacement on the other knee.
She did some of these things while she went to nursing school to do something that she was very good at. She worried about the science of nursing but she studied hard and learned and impressed me with what she could do. She was 46 when she started in nursing school. An age where most nurses have moved on to supervisory positions or retired all together.
All this and more causes me to call her my Angel. I can not imagine my life without her. I cannot imagine what her life without me in it will be like. It will be different and a lot less traumatic on her that is for sure. I suspect she will try and make life easier on our daughters and grands. Knowing how loving she is, she might even take the boys to the woods..........nah she wouldn't do that. Or would she?
As far as you, the reader, I wish that you can find the one like I found mine. I hope that you also have your struggles to make you appreciate the good times that much more. And I hope for a long and happy together for both of you.
I know I have found that, more, oh such more, in my Angel.
Until next time.......................
Many people may wonder why I call her Angel. Well let me tell ya! She married me 35 years ago this next November and she let me drag her from one Army post to another for 4 years while I was on active duty. Letting me do what I loved best during that time, flying helicopters so that sick and injured people had a better chance at staying alive.
She has seen me through all sicknesses and depressions. She saw me almost die from a heart attack, staying with me 24/7 for the time I was in the hospital, sleeping on a fold out twin bed next to mine. She would jump up any time I moved and moaned a little. She stayed with me through numerous heart caths and stent placements, sitting alone in the waiting room worried to death at what they would find and have to do.
She stayed with me through a surgery to correct a hiatal hernia. Again a procedure that almost took my life as I wound up in the ICU and back into surgery to try and find out why I was going septic. I cannot imagine what was going through on that one.
She stayed with me through a total of two inguinal hernia operations, and a knee surgery that saw me contract rhabdomyolysis . She got scared when I got E coli from a prostate biopsy. Not to mention having Lyme's Disease in one state and our middle daughter having the same thing in another state.
Before anyone says something about her not getting her due praise, she did this while surviving a finger that was almost severed, a total hysterectomy, removal of a lypoma the size of an egg, a total knee replacement, and the birth of three little, umm lets change that to rather large (9lb10oz, 8lb11oz, and 8lb9oz) babies, and a dislocated shoulder. Now she has problems with her back in the L4 to L5 vertibrea and facing another total knee replacement on the other knee.
She did some of these things while she went to nursing school to do something that she was very good at. She worried about the science of nursing but she studied hard and learned and impressed me with what she could do. She was 46 when she started in nursing school. An age where most nurses have moved on to supervisory positions or retired all together.
All this and more causes me to call her my Angel. I can not imagine my life without her. I cannot imagine what her life without me in it will be like. It will be different and a lot less traumatic on her that is for sure. I suspect she will try and make life easier on our daughters and grands. Knowing how loving she is, she might even take the boys to the woods..........nah she wouldn't do that. Or would she?
As far as you, the reader, I wish that you can find the one like I found mine. I hope that you also have your struggles to make you appreciate the good times that much more. And I hope for a long and happy together for both of you.
I know I have found that, more, oh such more, in my Angel.
Until next time.......................
Monday, March 23, 2015
It Was A Beautiful Day
It was a beautiful day today. Sunshine. 70 degrees. A relaxing day with nothing more planned than being with my girls. Besides Golddean, aka my Angel, aka the wife, we have two of our grand-daughters with us over Spring Break.
It was amazing to me when we were first starting out, to know that something as beautiful as my girls were and did come from me. I suppose all parents feel that way to a certain extent. I know I was in total awe. All three of my girls were so pretty that they had to take after their mother because I sure could not have had anything to do with creating them. Luckily they all took after their Mom in the good looks department.
And now here is another generation of beautiful girls to tempt the boys and break more than a few hearts along the way. Best of all, they are from me. For if it were not for their mothers then I would not have had them to dote on and tease and send back to their mothers when the sugar high reached its peak. Seems we get them around Easter or Halloween so yeah they get candy. Lots of candy. And Papa gets his revenge.
Today though they were very happy and excited to go with us to see where my wife grew up and some other sights from around town. Then we went to Mammoth Springs. There is something totally mesmerizing about seeing a child experience something for the first time. Knowing how they will never forget the day and the happy time that it was. I know I will never foreget but I don't have as long as they do to remember and cherish the day.
I put dying aside for today and just enjoyed. Listening to the giggle of the girls in the back seat. Hearing the excitement in their voices as the ducks and geese came rushing to get the bread we threw out on the water for them. Hearing the best phrase in the world, "I love you Papa!"
Yep it was a beautiful day today.
Until next time.............
It was amazing to me when we were first starting out, to know that something as beautiful as my girls were and did come from me. I suppose all parents feel that way to a certain extent. I know I was in total awe. All three of my girls were so pretty that they had to take after their mother because I sure could not have had anything to do with creating them. Luckily they all took after their Mom in the good looks department.
And now here is another generation of beautiful girls to tempt the boys and break more than a few hearts along the way. Best of all, they are from me. For if it were not for their mothers then I would not have had them to dote on and tease and send back to their mothers when the sugar high reached its peak. Seems we get them around Easter or Halloween so yeah they get candy. Lots of candy. And Papa gets his revenge.
Today though they were very happy and excited to go with us to see where my wife grew up and some other sights from around town. Then we went to Mammoth Springs. There is something totally mesmerizing about seeing a child experience something for the first time. Knowing how they will never forget the day and the happy time that it was. I know I will never foreget but I don't have as long as they do to remember and cherish the day.
I put dying aside for today and just enjoyed. Listening to the giggle of the girls in the back seat. Hearing the excitement in their voices as the ducks and geese came rushing to get the bread we threw out on the water for them. Hearing the best phrase in the world, "I love you Papa!"
Yep it was a beautiful day today.
Until next time.............
Sunday, March 22, 2015
A Simple Memorial
I have been making arrangements and plans for my memorial and funeral. Now some of you are going to think right off that I am being narcissistic in this post. So be it. It is. I am not consistently narcissistic but this is my funeral and I will have it the way I want it. After all I am the guest of honor.
Part of what will be done is this; I will be cremated and my ashes put into a biodegradable urn and a seed from a hardwood tree inserted. Hopefully it will be a large strong tree that my grands, great-grands, and great-great-grands will be able to play under it and the elders be shaded and comforted by its shade. In a very simple way I can still provide for my family. Beside me will be a smaller tree, by some years I hope, which will be my Angel which will mean that we will be together again. Providing as best we can for our children and theirs and their grand children.
Actually all of this is beside the point that I wanted to make, but necessary for you to understand this next part. It is traditional to send flowers to a funeral. I have never really seen the since in this as in a few days to a week depending on the weather. But they die. Look ugly. Have to be thrown away. Does not last. A tree will last a lot longer. Will provide more. Will be more.
I was lost for some time trying to find a place for us to do this. In fact my Angel is the one who found out all about the bio-urn and planting of the tree. It was only after that I found another site that provided a way for others to provide a tree for planting in memory of some one who has passed. I can think of no better way for some one to say to the family, my family, we are sorry and hope that your pain goes away. Here is the web site that you can go to and order one to five hundred trees to be planted. All I ask, if you can make it a hardwood, do so, so the squirrels will have a snack once in a while.
http://thetreesremember.com/memorial-trees/
I already have two trees that will be planted when I pass; one will be me, the other will be planted this Spring after the ground thaws. Thank you sir. You know who you are and I know you will be a great man and father.
The other thing that my Angel and I have a passion for is local Humane Societies who provide for adoption of dogs and cats. We have had several dogs from places like this and they all have been great dogs. If a tree seems out of place for you to do, make a contribution in my name to the local Humane Society, not the national one but the local one. Or you can find a great dog, or cat, and adopt one who will always be happy to see you and give you unconditional love.
And that's something you won't always get from humans.
Until next time..................
Part of what will be done is this; I will be cremated and my ashes put into a biodegradable urn and a seed from a hardwood tree inserted. Hopefully it will be a large strong tree that my grands, great-grands, and great-great-grands will be able to play under it and the elders be shaded and comforted by its shade. In a very simple way I can still provide for my family. Beside me will be a smaller tree, by some years I hope, which will be my Angel which will mean that we will be together again. Providing as best we can for our children and theirs and their grand children.
Actually all of this is beside the point that I wanted to make, but necessary for you to understand this next part. It is traditional to send flowers to a funeral. I have never really seen the since in this as in a few days to a week depending on the weather. But they die. Look ugly. Have to be thrown away. Does not last. A tree will last a lot longer. Will provide more. Will be more.
I was lost for some time trying to find a place for us to do this. In fact my Angel is the one who found out all about the bio-urn and planting of the tree. It was only after that I found another site that provided a way for others to provide a tree for planting in memory of some one who has passed. I can think of no better way for some one to say to the family, my family, we are sorry and hope that your pain goes away. Here is the web site that you can go to and order one to five hundred trees to be planted. All I ask, if you can make it a hardwood, do so, so the squirrels will have a snack once in a while.
http://thetreesremember.com/memorial-trees/
I already have two trees that will be planted when I pass; one will be me, the other will be planted this Spring after the ground thaws. Thank you sir. You know who you are and I know you will be a great man and father.
The other thing that my Angel and I have a passion for is local Humane Societies who provide for adoption of dogs and cats. We have had several dogs from places like this and they all have been great dogs. If a tree seems out of place for you to do, make a contribution in my name to the local Humane Society, not the national one but the local one. Or you can find a great dog, or cat, and adopt one who will always be happy to see you and give you unconditional love.
And that's something you won't always get from humans.
Until next time..................
Friday, March 20, 2015
Thirteen
Thirteen.
Thirteen plus.
Thirteen plus, and a patch.
That's the magic number. 13. More if I feel the need.
I am, of course,talking about the number of pills that I have to take each day to stay alive.....sort of. I can probably safely drop one or ten if I want my blood pressure to go up, my blood to thicken, or my ability to NOT shoot some one is taken away.
I used to take one or two aspirin when I had a headache, which I never had at any frequency. Since 31 October 2006 that all changed. I started taking all sorts of meds because that is the protocol. Have a heart attack and they immediately start treating you for what causes the most heart attacks. High blood pressure, blocked arteries, and stress (translated as the great desire to shoot idiots and other incompetent souls who waste the oxygen they use up during the day). Some times, some times, none of those symptoms are present, but then, once you start, you're stuck. Believe me. Starting to take meds is a lot easier than it is to stop taking meds.
You start, at least I did, with the belief that if you don't take them, you will die a most horrible and painful death. Those that have never had one cannot imagine how painful they actually are. Those actors who grab their chest and rub it and then deliver their lines about how they think they are having a heart attack have never experienced that pain. Not that they are bad actors but you just can't fake what you know nothing about.
And that brings me back to ALS.
Those who have never been unable to things; roll your tongue, stick your tongue out and lick your lips, push air/liquids/food/pills around in you mouth, hold your lips tight against a glass rim while you are drinking so you don't drool, getting choked while you're drinking because it goes down your throat before you are ready for it to. These normal every day things. Have no idea what I am going through. Have no idea what it is like to NOT do these things.
And the struggle is silent and hidden. To look at me, or others who are afflicted with ALS, you would see a pretty normal guy of 57 who might show outward signs of having a stuffed up nose, but, little else. You wouldn't see the struggles he goes through every day just to eat, drink, or survive. And not shoot some one. That's an idiot. Or incompetent. Who does, so desperately, want it to be the way it was one, two, six, eight, years ago. Who struggles to swallow pills every morning, every night, and one in the afternoon, just so he can stay alive for a little bit longer.
Thirteen.
Thirteen plus.
Thirteen plus and a patch.
That's the magic number.
Until next time.............
DISCLAIMER: No I am really not wanting to shoot some one. It is a feeble, very feeble admittedly, effort to insert some humor into an otherwise very emotional writing. I think that I have made you, the reader, cry enough this week. So please do not call the cops, men in little white coats who have a funny farm, or the guys in the black SUV's who are parked just down the block to come get me. It's too late. For me. And them.
Thirteen plus.
Thirteen plus, and a patch.
That's the magic number. 13. More if I feel the need.
I am, of course,talking about the number of pills that I have to take each day to stay alive.....sort of. I can probably safely drop one or ten if I want my blood pressure to go up, my blood to thicken, or my ability to NOT shoot some one is taken away.
I used to take one or two aspirin when I had a headache, which I never had at any frequency. Since 31 October 2006 that all changed. I started taking all sorts of meds because that is the protocol. Have a heart attack and they immediately start treating you for what causes the most heart attacks. High blood pressure, blocked arteries, and stress (translated as the great desire to shoot idiots and other incompetent souls who waste the oxygen they use up during the day). Some times, some times, none of those symptoms are present, but then, once you start, you're stuck. Believe me. Starting to take meds is a lot easier than it is to stop taking meds.
You start, at least I did, with the belief that if you don't take them, you will die a most horrible and painful death. Those that have never had one cannot imagine how painful they actually are. Those actors who grab their chest and rub it and then deliver their lines about how they think they are having a heart attack have never experienced that pain. Not that they are bad actors but you just can't fake what you know nothing about.
And that brings me back to ALS.
Those who have never been unable to things; roll your tongue, stick your tongue out and lick your lips, push air/liquids/food/pills around in you mouth, hold your lips tight against a glass rim while you are drinking so you don't drool, getting choked while you're drinking because it goes down your throat before you are ready for it to. These normal every day things. Have no idea what I am going through. Have no idea what it is like to NOT do these things.
And the struggle is silent and hidden. To look at me, or others who are afflicted with ALS, you would see a pretty normal guy of 57 who might show outward signs of having a stuffed up nose, but, little else. You wouldn't see the struggles he goes through every day just to eat, drink, or survive. And not shoot some one. That's an idiot. Or incompetent. Who does, so desperately, want it to be the way it was one, two, six, eight, years ago. Who struggles to swallow pills every morning, every night, and one in the afternoon, just so he can stay alive for a little bit longer.
Thirteen.
Thirteen plus.
Thirteen plus and a patch.
That's the magic number.
Until next time.............
DISCLAIMER: No I am really not wanting to shoot some one. It is a feeble, very feeble admittedly, effort to insert some humor into an otherwise very emotional writing. I think that I have made you, the reader, cry enough this week. So please do not call the cops, men in little white coats who have a funny farm, or the guys in the black SUV's who are parked just down the block to come get me. It's too late. For me. And them.
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Sex
I have either irretrievably grabbed your attention or completely embarrassed you.
Don't worry this is not a porno post. I am going to discuss sex and how ALS is affecting it so far for me. I promise not to be graphic, but this is a part of life and can be affected by ALS. Am I an expert? Nope. I have not spent years studying the sex lives of ALS patients. Maybe Masters and Johnson need to do a study of that group or at least of terminal patients. Maybe they have and I just don't know it.
Many things are put into a different perspective when you find out you are dying. That job you have secretly hated for the past so many years is suddenly somewhere else besides the top of the priorities list you have. Family, and being with family, takes on a whole new importance. Tolerance of incompetence is lowered. Time, as in how much time is left, is more important. How you make use of time is more important.
Sex. Well sex is different. It is physical and mental. Recreational and procreational. Nonexistent? No. Different? Most assuredly.
I appreciate the 'innocent' sex much more than before. Telling Her, the one I chose to love all of my life until death do us part, that I love her several times a day and in several different ways is stimulating to both of us. Being able to reach over and touch her arm or shoulder in a caress. Having Her kiss me. Me pressing my lips to Hers or Her hand. Hugging Her from behind. Holding hands watching TV or walking down the street. Being goofy and laughing at things other people would have not thought so funny. Snuggling in bed when the warmth of each other is felt.
These are the 'innocent' sex we all know. And we take for granted. I already miss kissing the way I used to do. I am sure that one day I will miss the intimate sex we once had. The one thing that I am sure that will outlast all the other is the 'innocent' sex of touch and word. To my dying day I will find a way to tell Her I love Her, to caress Her arm and hold Her hand, to look in her eyes and laugh at the joke no one else gets. For this is truly love. Which leads to sex. Which is all the softer and more intimate, some how now, than when we were young. And Healthy.
Until next time.....................
Don't worry this is not a porno post. I am going to discuss sex and how ALS is affecting it so far for me. I promise not to be graphic, but this is a part of life and can be affected by ALS. Am I an expert? Nope. I have not spent years studying the sex lives of ALS patients. Maybe Masters and Johnson need to do a study of that group or at least of terminal patients. Maybe they have and I just don't know it.
Many things are put into a different perspective when you find out you are dying. That job you have secretly hated for the past so many years is suddenly somewhere else besides the top of the priorities list you have. Family, and being with family, takes on a whole new importance. Tolerance of incompetence is lowered. Time, as in how much time is left, is more important. How you make use of time is more important.
Sex. Well sex is different. It is physical and mental. Recreational and procreational. Nonexistent? No. Different? Most assuredly.
I appreciate the 'innocent' sex much more than before. Telling Her, the one I chose to love all of my life until death do us part, that I love her several times a day and in several different ways is stimulating to both of us. Being able to reach over and touch her arm or shoulder in a caress. Having Her kiss me. Me pressing my lips to Hers or Her hand. Hugging Her from behind. Holding hands watching TV or walking down the street. Being goofy and laughing at things other people would have not thought so funny. Snuggling in bed when the warmth of each other is felt.
These are the 'innocent' sex we all know. And we take for granted. I already miss kissing the way I used to do. I am sure that one day I will miss the intimate sex we once had. The one thing that I am sure that will outlast all the other is the 'innocent' sex of touch and word. To my dying day I will find a way to tell Her I love Her, to caress Her arm and hold Her hand, to look in her eyes and laugh at the joke no one else gets. For this is truly love. Which leads to sex. Which is all the softer and more intimate, some how now, than when we were young. And Healthy.
Until next time.....................
Monday, March 16, 2015
More Ramblings
I had said in a previous post that I was getting another list of just random thoughts going. Well here it is. Just remember that some are tongue in cheek and not entirely serious in nature. Hope you enjoy.
I don't mind you commenting on a specific post on here. In fact I enjoy the feed back, so post away!
How come people think that because I cannot speak clearly that they have to talk louder or write things down for me to understand? Was at the post office to pick up a package today and the clerk asked if I could understand her after I used my Arkansas Hillbilly iPad to write a note to her.
Arkansas Hillbilly iPad: Dry erase board with pen. Laugh all you want it works.
Why does the post office have only two Handicap parking places with one that you have to do a three point turn just to get into?
I am convinced there is a STUPID gene and we need scientist to locate it and cut it out of the DNA chain.
I have never had a doctor tell me to gain weight and not loose any more until I went to the ALS Clinic last week. I am down to ten pounds more than when I married my Angel.
I am amazed at the people who never cared for me before, who find out that I have ALS, become all loving and sympathetic. I might expand on that one later on. Don't know if I want to go there or not.
The more that I have a positive attitude about my situation, the more people are are amazed by that.
It is OKAY to use the words die, dying, terminal, or any others to refer to the ultimate outcome of this disease. It is a fact. It will not upset me. I am at peace with dying.
I have good days and bad days. I cherish both kinds. Each one means another day with the ones I love and the friends that I have made on here.
Not for sure that I have covered everything that I wanted to or not, but for now this is enough. Remember you can comment, as to whether you like something or not.
Until next time.............
I don't mind you commenting on a specific post on here. In fact I enjoy the feed back, so post away!
How come people think that because I cannot speak clearly that they have to talk louder or write things down for me to understand? Was at the post office to pick up a package today and the clerk asked if I could understand her after I used my Arkansas Hillbilly iPad to write a note to her.
Arkansas Hillbilly iPad: Dry erase board with pen. Laugh all you want it works.
Why does the post office have only two Handicap parking places with one that you have to do a three point turn just to get into?
I am convinced there is a STUPID gene and we need scientist to locate it and cut it out of the DNA chain.
I have never had a doctor tell me to gain weight and not loose any more until I went to the ALS Clinic last week. I am down to ten pounds more than when I married my Angel.
I am amazed at the people who never cared for me before, who find out that I have ALS, become all loving and sympathetic. I might expand on that one later on. Don't know if I want to go there or not.
The more that I have a positive attitude about my situation, the more people are are amazed by that.
It is OKAY to use the words die, dying, terminal, or any others to refer to the ultimate outcome of this disease. It is a fact. It will not upset me. I am at peace with dying.
I have good days and bad days. I cherish both kinds. Each one means another day with the ones I love and the friends that I have made on here.
Not for sure that I have covered everything that I wanted to or not, but for now this is enough. Remember you can comment, as to whether you like something or not.
Until next time.............
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