I have found that I am making more and more decisions lately about both short and long term events. But those terms, short and long have a whole new meaning as to length.
For instance, I went out today with my beautiful wife (see how I worked that in there?) and bought some burlap and cammo fabric to make some hunting equipment/clothing that I have been wanting but can't find quite what I am looking for in stores that don't cost more than than what a pearl diver in Tripoli makes in a year.
The other is decisions concerning funerals and family reunions. The former is pretty well set in wet clay and only some refinements have to be made, like the date and time. The later is a concern that I have been trying for several years to get done. You see my family, like other families out there, seems to only congregate when one of our parents' generation passes. Now that I am sure to pass before the rest of them, I don't want to be the cause of a reunion, especially when I can't sit around and hear them talk and laugh and enjoy themselves.
The first situation has only about 62 days to be completed before squirrel season opens up again. I'd like to be able to use the ghillie suit through the season coming up and maybe next year's as well. The second situation is, well any where from the first weekend in August to 2 years from now. (The doc says that I have 3 to 5 years from onset.) It depends on if we can pull off this reunion or not.
It may seem strange to some of you who read this to think of a funeral as a family reunion. It is a sad and trying time for those involved to be sure. My family, however, finds relief in remembering the funny things that bring out smiles if not laughter to those gathered. That is just how we are. And that is how I want mine to be. I believe that a funeral should be a time to celebrate the life of the guest of honor. Since that will be me in this case I get to set the rules before hand. I have the advantage of most people because I know the end of my life is coming up. In fact I am a little disappointed that I will be missing the whole thing.
A funeral is the only event at which the guest of honor has no choice but to attend. In this case I wouldn't mind skipping it at all.
Until next time....................
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Friday, March 13, 2015
On Being Invisible
When I was a kid I wanted to be invisible.
I just wanted to be in the room with people and not be seen to see what they were talking about and how they acted without me being around. Kinda like a fly on the wall. I didn't want to be a fly because all us kids were experts with a fly swatter, and being a greasy spot on the wall was not something I wanted to be.
There are times even now that I wish I was invisible. Like having a coughing fit, or choking on food, or having to use my finger to move food around in my mouth so that I can chew it and not gag. Most people are polite and try not to look. Then again, it is the car wreck syndrome that takes over. You don't want to look but you do look. The more you look the more you want to look.
The other thing is this; the disabilities that I have are invisible. Looking at me you would not know anything is wrong. I don't have any visible deformities, no artificial limbs, no walker to use nor a cane. I don't limp, I don't lean one way or the other. I don't carry a white cane.
What I do have are three stents from the heart attack eight and a half years ago. What I do have is ALS that affects my speech and swallowing. Until I open my mouth to talk you would not guess that there is anything wrong and that leads to problems, and misunderstandings.
I take a dry erase board with me wherever I go now days. People get a laugh out of it being labeled Arkansas Hillbilly iPad. Which is fine because that brakes the ice and people tend to relax. The first thing many want to do is talk LOUDER, as if I won't understand them if they don't, just because I can't talk. It is strange and sometimes funny. All you can do is shake your head mentally and go with it.
There are still times I still want to be invisible, but now it is for a far different reason.
Until next time...............
I just wanted to be in the room with people and not be seen to see what they were talking about and how they acted without me being around. Kinda like a fly on the wall. I didn't want to be a fly because all us kids were experts with a fly swatter, and being a greasy spot on the wall was not something I wanted to be.
There are times even now that I wish I was invisible. Like having a coughing fit, or choking on food, or having to use my finger to move food around in my mouth so that I can chew it and not gag. Most people are polite and try not to look. Then again, it is the car wreck syndrome that takes over. You don't want to look but you do look. The more you look the more you want to look.
The other thing is this; the disabilities that I have are invisible. Looking at me you would not know anything is wrong. I don't have any visible deformities, no artificial limbs, no walker to use nor a cane. I don't limp, I don't lean one way or the other. I don't carry a white cane.
What I do have are three stents from the heart attack eight and a half years ago. What I do have is ALS that affects my speech and swallowing. Until I open my mouth to talk you would not guess that there is anything wrong and that leads to problems, and misunderstandings.
I take a dry erase board with me wherever I go now days. People get a laugh out of it being labeled Arkansas Hillbilly iPad. Which is fine because that brakes the ice and people tend to relax. The first thing many want to do is talk LOUDER, as if I won't understand them if they don't, just because I can't talk. It is strange and sometimes funny. All you can do is shake your head mentally and go with it.
There are still times I still want to be invisible, but now it is for a far different reason.
Until next time...............
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Back At Home
As many of you might have realized I have been out of touch with the computer for the last few days. I have been at my middle daughter's house over the weekend and through yesterday. It was a wonderful visit with them as always, and it sure was hard to leave, but soon, hopefully we will be down there living next to them.
I went to the neurological doctor on Monday. The people at the UAMS ALS Clinic are awesome! We, the wife, daughter, and I, got there at about 7:30 and did not leave again until about 12:30. During that whole time we didn't have to wait on anyone for more than 10 minutes at a time. The doc, her nurse, social worker, speech therapist, dietitian, pulmonary specialist, and the head of the Arkansas MDA chapter all were very gracious and understanding. I could not have asked for better treatment any where at any time.
Doc did confirm that the prognosis is 3 to 5 years from onset. Seems a short time, but I am sure that time will drag nearer to the time of my leaving. Again I am at peace with all of this, I just wouldn't want to wish this on anyone else.
One of the ironic things we did was pay off my funeral expenses............. on my birthday. Yeah, I made fun of that. Couldn't resist. It is a relief though to know that the funeral expenses are paid in full and Golddean will not have to worry about that when the time comes.
One thing more, thank you to all that have said prayers, kept good thoughts, and sent well wishes. You don't realize how much that really helps to the one receiving it.
Until next time..................
I went to the neurological doctor on Monday. The people at the UAMS ALS Clinic are awesome! We, the wife, daughter, and I, got there at about 7:30 and did not leave again until about 12:30. During that whole time we didn't have to wait on anyone for more than 10 minutes at a time. The doc, her nurse, social worker, speech therapist, dietitian, pulmonary specialist, and the head of the Arkansas MDA chapter all were very gracious and understanding. I could not have asked for better treatment any where at any time.
Doc did confirm that the prognosis is 3 to 5 years from onset. Seems a short time, but I am sure that time will drag nearer to the time of my leaving. Again I am at peace with all of this, I just wouldn't want to wish this on anyone else.
One of the ironic things we did was pay off my funeral expenses............. on my birthday. Yeah, I made fun of that. Couldn't resist. It is a relief though to know that the funeral expenses are paid in full and Golddean will not have to worry about that when the time comes.
One thing more, thank you to all that have said prayers, kept good thoughts, and sent well wishes. You don't realize how much that really helps to the one receiving it.
Until next time..................
Friday, March 6, 2015
I Hope It's True
I hope it is true that all dogs go to heaven for it would be a far drearier place if they did not.
I just heard from an online friend of mine. His companion in both home and field for the last 13 or so years has passed. You might not be a dog lover or a pet lover at all, but I can tell you that loosing a pet is hard. As hard as loosing a human companion.
This is especially hard on my friend. You see he lost both his wife and son in one year. The only one he had left for a while was his Pearl. She could sense when it was the hardest on him and she would try and comfort him by laying her head on his leg, or nudging him towards the door for a walk if it was not hunting season.
She would spend hours in a blind or walking a field for water fowl or pheasants. Never a complaint nor a whimper. Standing close and alert when the geese flew into range waiting for one to hit the ground. Working a field with her nose tuned to the smell of a pheasant rooster in hiding. Retrieving the ones she finds and thinking all the time, I would imagine, that it was all a wondrous adventure and game to play.
Now Pearl is gone and there is another hole in a heart tonight. No amount of sympathy will heal that hole for a long time to come. For now there is one less in the pack and that place will never be filled by another. It can't be.
As a wise man said, "If there are no dogs in heaven, then I want to go where they are." I believe Will Rodgers had that nailed.
Until next time..................
I just heard from an online friend of mine. His companion in both home and field for the last 13 or so years has passed. You might not be a dog lover or a pet lover at all, but I can tell you that loosing a pet is hard. As hard as loosing a human companion.
This is especially hard on my friend. You see he lost both his wife and son in one year. The only one he had left for a while was his Pearl. She could sense when it was the hardest on him and she would try and comfort him by laying her head on his leg, or nudging him towards the door for a walk if it was not hunting season.
She would spend hours in a blind or walking a field for water fowl or pheasants. Never a complaint nor a whimper. Standing close and alert when the geese flew into range waiting for one to hit the ground. Working a field with her nose tuned to the smell of a pheasant rooster in hiding. Retrieving the ones she finds and thinking all the time, I would imagine, that it was all a wondrous adventure and game to play.
Now Pearl is gone and there is another hole in a heart tonight. No amount of sympathy will heal that hole for a long time to come. For now there is one less in the pack and that place will never be filled by another. It can't be.
As a wise man said, "If there are no dogs in heaven, then I want to go where they are." I believe Will Rodgers had that nailed.
Until next time..................
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Good News
My wife has been trying for about 2 years now to get her disability because of back issues. Well yesterday she got her disability check and will start receiving her monthly checks in April. This is such a relief for both of us.
We went shopping for things that we have been putting off because we just could not afford them on just my check each month. Funny thing was I kept looking at the basket as it got fuller and fuller and I kept thinking that we were spending too much. I guess that is the mentality I have had to keep for so long it has become more or less second nature to me. Now I can relax a little more and enjoy spending a little on ourselves.
I have a lot of thoughts backing up again and not all will do for a blog by themselves so look for another Rambling Thoughts blog in the near future. An update on how things went with the docs at UAMS will be posted next week sometime. I can only hope we get answers for some of the questions we have.
Until next time...............
We went shopping for things that we have been putting off because we just could not afford them on just my check each month. Funny thing was I kept looking at the basket as it got fuller and fuller and I kept thinking that we were spending too much. I guess that is the mentality I have had to keep for so long it has become more or less second nature to me. Now I can relax a little more and enjoy spending a little on ourselves.
I have a lot of thoughts backing up again and not all will do for a blog by themselves so look for another Rambling Thoughts blog in the near future. An update on how things went with the docs at UAMS will be posted next week sometime. I can only hope we get answers for some of the questions we have.
Until next time...............
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Not a Lot To Say
I almost did not write today. I have been out and about and paying bills and picking up meds. And hurting.
Seems that the fat pad for my sacroiliac is inflamed. So another pill for pain (good!) and another one to help with the excess saliva. I cannot say how much it means that I have insurance now. If I did not, meds per month alone would be about the same as my disability payments are. As it is I can afford to have my pills and a warm dry place to sleep every night.
I go this next Monday to the ALS Clinic for the first time. I hope to know a lot more about what is going to go on and probably be coming home with a lot more or different meds to help to get through each day.
If you are following this blog on a daily basis, I will let you know now that I will be away from computers internet etc. for a few days starting on Saturday. Nothing to worry about. Will be with family and docs and docs and docs. I will be back online by Thursday of next week if not sooner.
I know this is some what disjointed and short. Chalk it up to the meds and physical state right now.
In the meantime stay warm and safe if you are in the path of the winter weather.
Until next time..............
Seems that the fat pad for my sacroiliac is inflamed. So another pill for pain (good!) and another one to help with the excess saliva. I cannot say how much it means that I have insurance now. If I did not, meds per month alone would be about the same as my disability payments are. As it is I can afford to have my pills and a warm dry place to sleep every night.
I go this next Monday to the ALS Clinic for the first time. I hope to know a lot more about what is going to go on and probably be coming home with a lot more or different meds to help to get through each day.
If you are following this blog on a daily basis, I will let you know now that I will be away from computers internet etc. for a few days starting on Saturday. Nothing to worry about. Will be with family and docs and docs and docs. I will be back online by Thursday of next week if not sooner.
I know this is some what disjointed and short. Chalk it up to the meds and physical state right now.
In the meantime stay warm and safe if you are in the path of the winter weather.
Until next time..............
Sunday, March 1, 2015
Magical Washing Machines
Just got back a little bit ago from the laundry mat where I was washing two comforters. Now any one who has a pet knows that sooner or latter they will figure out how to get up on the bed whether you are in it or not. People will tell you also that no matter how healthy and well fed, meaning how nutritious their food is, they will get sick. Just before you go to bed. When the temp will be in lower teens. Covered up because they don't want to get in trouble. Maybe mom and dad won't see it. On a white comforter.
Not for sure which one did it but one of our dogs did just that. Once about three days ago and again last night. Really bad when you think you will be climbing into bed and drift off to sleep. Then your foot, thigh, hand, arm or other body part finds that wet, slimy, clammy, cold wet spot. It's enough to make you do that little dance where you feet go up and down in rhythm but you don't move than an inch from where you started dancing. Did I mention it was a really COLD wet spot? Off with the sheets and blankets and comforter. On with the clean sheets. Maybe a shower, certainly a wash clothe sponge bath. Back to bed.
Because we do not have anything but a family sized washing machine here at the house. I thought it easier to take it to the laundry mat down the road not quite two miles and at least wash them there. They have these large machines that are front loaders with the window in the door. Long and short of it I got everything in and started. I found myself being mesmerized by the machine doing its job. Yeah I am easily entertained but that is something for another blog.
It occurred to me that the machine tumbling the items around and around was wearing down the rough edges, so to speak, of the dirt on the quilts. Saturating the comforter with water and detergent and making it clean again. Spinning the dirt and debris off to the drain and then rinsing again.
Wouldn't that be great with all of my physical problems right now? Just put me in a machine and let it tumble me around and around until the rough edges that is ALS is rinsed away and I can go back to the way it was. The way it should be. Were that there was such a machine and we wipe out cancer, ALS, and every other deadly disease! There is not one, unfortunately, at least not yet.
As for me? I don't know that I would want that, but I sure as hell would put my $4 in quarters in and go for the ride just in case.
Until next time.............
Not for sure which one did it but one of our dogs did just that. Once about three days ago and again last night. Really bad when you think you will be climbing into bed and drift off to sleep. Then your foot, thigh, hand, arm or other body part finds that wet, slimy, clammy, cold wet spot. It's enough to make you do that little dance where you feet go up and down in rhythm but you don't move than an inch from where you started dancing. Did I mention it was a really COLD wet spot? Off with the sheets and blankets and comforter. On with the clean sheets. Maybe a shower, certainly a wash clothe sponge bath. Back to bed.
Because we do not have anything but a family sized washing machine here at the house. I thought it easier to take it to the laundry mat down the road not quite two miles and at least wash them there. They have these large machines that are front loaders with the window in the door. Long and short of it I got everything in and started. I found myself being mesmerized by the machine doing its job. Yeah I am easily entertained but that is something for another blog.
It occurred to me that the machine tumbling the items around and around was wearing down the rough edges, so to speak, of the dirt on the quilts. Saturating the comforter with water and detergent and making it clean again. Spinning the dirt and debris off to the drain and then rinsing again.
Wouldn't that be great with all of my physical problems right now? Just put me in a machine and let it tumble me around and around until the rough edges that is ALS is rinsed away and I can go back to the way it was. The way it should be. Were that there was such a machine and we wipe out cancer, ALS, and every other deadly disease! There is not one, unfortunately, at least not yet.
As for me? I don't know that I would want that, but I sure as hell would put my $4 in quarters in and go for the ride just in case.
Until next time.............
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